The Futility Monster

He'll pointlessly derive more enjoyment out of your resources than you

KitKat Time

Posted by The Futility Monster on December 24, 2009 @ 08:57

I'd be disappointed if I found one of these in my Christmas stocking. Damn Nestlé baby killers!

After scouring for political inspiration this morning, it has dawned upon me that the boredom of British politics is continuing. More stories about bonuses, expenses, Iraq and, of course, the mildly bad weather which has dominated the news cycle for days.

In fact, the last story has really pissed me off so much that I think it’s time that the rolling news channels invented a way of distinguishing levels of their favourite BREAKING NEWS.

After all, one day the BREAKING NEWS is going to be justified. It will be the death of the Queen. Or a major politician. Or some seriously big resignation, or critical court judgement. A Category 1 Breaking News Event, reserved for truly special once-in-a-blue-moon events; you know, the kind of things that used to result in a “We interrupt this programme to bring you…” news special. Only that would justify the serious RED colours used by both Sky and BBC News 24. And yes, it will always be News 24 to me.

Because, I’m afraid, a breaking news strap to tell me that Liverpool John Lennon Airport has closed due to snow just does not cut the mustard. Minor travel news, of interest to a handful of people, should get a Category 5, and a nice blue colour.

It makes perfect sense to me. But then, I am one of life’s organisers. I like putting things into order and making things as efficient as possible. I suspect a latent, undiagnosed form of autism.

But anyway, all this lack of anything new or interesting is a perfect moment for me to call a halt for the Christmas holidays. I suspect things won’t be much better on my return anyway, because most of the top political journalists (if you can call them that) are taking a much longer break. Like it or not, the vast majority of us bloggers are totally reliant on the media. Only the elite get to break their own news. And probably only the elite get to make money out of blogging. The bastards.

So, I think I’ll declare a cease-fire until early next week. The only thing that might bring me out of temporary retirement would be a Category 1. Or maybe a Category 2. Neither of these includes the current spoiler story about what the Queen’s Christmas Message is going to be, currently boring me to tears on News 24. Just how far have you fallen, Nicholas Witchell?

Happy Christmas to all my miniscule band of loyal readers. And the same too to all you crazy people who arrive on my blog looking for pictures of fireworks. Hint: you will find it here. By the way, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever written, and yet it’s the most read page every day. There’s no accounting for taste.

Until next time…

2 Responses to “KitKat Time”

  1. […] KitKat Time […]

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