The Futility Monster

He'll pointlessly derive more enjoyment out of your resources than you

Dear Generation X…

Posted by The Futility Monster on July 23, 2009 @ 00:01

Let The Good Times Roll!

Let The Good Times Roll!

Thanks for your postcard from Spain! Glad you made it there safely. Where is the cruise off to next? I look forward to your next missive from the Carribean!

Just thought I’d let you know how things are back at your place. Don’t worry, I have been feeding the cat, but she doesn’t really like the Tesco Value cat food that I’ve been buying. What the hell do you feed it on?!

Anyway – I hope this doesn’t come as too much of a shock to you but I thought I’d admit that I’m looking to find somewhere else to live. It’s been great lodging with you and all that, but I feel I need some space of my own.

The only problem is that my search isn’t going so well. I can’t find anywhere decent to live on a reasonable budget. I know this must be totally alien to you. After all, you’re all sorted with the huge amount of equity you’ve got in your house (yes, even after 15% house price falls!). Oh, and that tiny mortgage which is currently at historically low interest rates. No need even to fix it because interest rates won’t be going anywhere any time soon!

But when I go into the bank I get told I need to raise a 20% deposit. On a £100,000 house (not many of those around in most parts of the country) – that’s just not feasible. And it’s so hard to save up for a deposit because of how much rent I have to give you. Yes, I know it’s all inclusive (apart from food, I can just about afford that!) – but I was wondering if there’d be any chance you could reduce it to give me some breathing space to put some money aside?

I just need to get away. After all, you know what they say about renting: it’s dead money. If only I could get a mortgage then it might actually work out better for me – the mortgage payments would actually be lower than what I’m paying you!

But these banks are such tight bastards. I think they forget that we own most of them, and those we don’t have us to thank for rescuing their sorry arses from the destruction of capitalism as we know it (and now they can go back to rewarding each other handsomely for swindling the taxpayer of its cash without any give on their side!). I know you had to delay the start of your cruised because of that little problem with the Icelandic banks, but at least Alistair Darling got your money back!

The other problem is the jobs market. Maybe I’d be able to get a lower deposit on a mortgage if I was earning more. But you know times are hard right now. Oh, wait a minute, you don’t.

Still, at least my student debt can only rise by the rate of inflation. I got the statement the other day: I owe them £20,000 and haven’t yet paid a penny of it back. Maybe I never will. Just as well that doesn’t show up on my credit check, eh! But I guess this is what happens when you graduate in the middle of a recession. Great timing on my part, I’m sure you’ll agree! Still – you didn’t have to pay tuition fees, so what do you know! Thanks for pulling up the ladder!

Yes, I know you didn’t think Tony Blair would do that either. But we didn’t think he’d do a lot of things. Still, it wasn’t just you that voted for him; he did con the whole nation after all (well, some of the nation, anyway). Yes, even I was happy when he got elected, but I was only young at the time. Young and naive. Maybe you should have known better?

Better go. The post’s just arrived. There seems to be a few letters for you. One of them is from the Premium Bonds. Another £50 win again?

They say the sun shines on the righteous.

Looking forward to your election as Supreme Pontiff. That Benedict bloke will have nothing on you!

See you soon,

Generation Y


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